And for once in my life, this is one game I don’t want to continue playing. I just can’t keep up with you. I feel like every time I pass a course, you create another one to make things even more complicating than they already are. Somewhere along the way, we’ll get caught up with the chase, we’ll forget how the ending is supposed to play out. And sooner or later, our fantasy will seem better than reality and we’ll stay stuck in the same situation never wanting to reach the end. So instead of finding our happy ever after, I forfeit. You win. Game over.

For the most part, I show everyone respect. At least those who deserve it. But for the past two years I’ve been disrespecting those who mean the most to me, not on purpose, but for my own selfish needs. Though, there are no legitimate excuses for the way I’ve been disrespecting myself like I have for the past 5 years. As I lose the trust and people around me, I’m slowly learning that I need to change my ways. If not for the sake of keeping the people who are important to me in my life, then for myself.

And it’s sad that because of it, we can never be together…

All day I was anticipating to see you tonight. I was hoping that you’d show up and it’d be like nothing had ever happened between us. Although I thought I was capable of seeing you, when you actually did show up, I was caught off guard and my mind went racing. Are you gonna come up to me? Do I talk to you first? And then there you were, standing before me. Whether if you had been forced or not, I was relieved to have had your arms wrapped around me as if nothing had changed between us. For the next couple of hours, I was with my friends and you were with yours. I had thought you had left without saying goodbye. But why would you? My friends see that I’m not having as much fun as they are so they take me to the dance floor to just let go of all my troubles and dance the night away. After about 10 minutes of fist pumping and singing along with the rest of the crowd, we decide to take a break. As I make my way off the dance floor, I’m stopped by someone grabbing my arm. Then I turn to see your handsome, almost perfect, face. You pull me in for a kiss, teasing me with those beautiful eyes. So I go in for the kill. And for that minute of kissing your soft, moist lips, I didn’t mind that we were surrounded by a pool of people. <3

I apologize in advance for all the mixed feelings I’ll be telling you.